Hey you guys,
As many of you know, when I began sharing writing online, I did it through the brand name rêveurs. The idea was to create a space online that shared the stories of those who were pursuing, or had pursued their dreams. I wanted to learn from them.
As months passed, I began to write more and more, but not just about these people I was interviewing. I joined a writing group in Toronto, and there I became exposed to the publishing world—agents and editors and fiction writers (oh, my!).
In other words? I became exposed to a world I didn't know, rather hadn't considered, really existed in my own city (Toronto). It was enlightening, to say the least.
I began writing fiction.
And that's where things really changed. Oh my goodness, I remember thinking as I wrote my first short story. THIS is me. It was as if everything until that point had been some stepping stone or another to get there.
During this time I also joined Twitter and fell into the most heavenly group of beautiful writerly souls... I wish I could send you to all their profiles in one swift click, but alas—
I wondered what to do with rêveurs. I got SCARED.
I started messaging friends, seeking advice. I started listening to those I admired. And here's what they said: start a personal brand that's centred around documenting your life (aka be YOU in public), rather than starting a business brand that must fold when you change your mind.
Oh boy, I remember thinking. I'm going to lose EVERYONE. What's more, I'm going to seem so selfish. A desire to focus on me? How gauche.
I'd started rêveurs not only to learn, I should note. I think, subconsciously, I did it to hide. So long as I was veiled in the stories of others, I was free.
Until I felt smothered by all that air.
Isn't it strange how these things happen? I wanted to hide until my need to share my voice, my story, my work overtook it. It overtook ME, until my fear was no match for this feeling of incongruity.
This process took weeks. (Maybe months, probably months, in fact.) I had stress dreams, insomnia, that annoying tingle in my arm and hands that I get with anxiety... Ugh, the anxiety.
I couldn't get rid of it until I embraced this me, in public, it seems.
I've never. ever done well not being me. I'm an INFP. I need to move through this world being myself wholly and fully, and so that means, in terms of being online, it must be in this way. No clouding, no veils, no nothing. Just this. You and me and thinking and being.
And writing, so much writing. I can't wait.
As for rêveurs, it will be merged with this site. And so, the stories will remain, (they're part of the journey after all, just likely they'll be archived in 2019, making space for more pieces like this. That is, pieces more reflective, more in the moment, more me.)
Okay, darlings, that's all. Please let me know you even more. I am so, so curious! xo
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@mackbelcastro on BOTH!
