Good morning, you guys!
So, I was just up journalling when I had to stop and come on over to the blog, because what I was getting into, I realized, should really be shared with you angels.
When I opened my journal this morning, my mind was buzzing with thoughts, which isn't abnormal, and is frankly a huge reason that I write—to slow the thoughts, calm the mind. Anyway, the buzzing came from the many areas of my life that have been evolving lately, and are therefore in need of reflection. I couldn't decide what needed more attention, and so, I did the only thing you can do: I just started writing about that, about being unsure what I should write about first.
What evolved from that was my looking around my condo and feeling a swell of gratitude balloon inside of me. And then the words flowed. See, like a lot of you know, I've been financially dependent for the past few years (in the sense that I was living at home because I didn't quite have enough money to pay Toronto rent). Recently though, that all changed.
My reason for being a dependent came down to putting my novel first and putting money second. This isn't something that I regret, but it became clear as crystal when I finished my book that it was time to move onto the next chapter: money.
(Note: I'm still editing copy of The Play House, but the story is complete in its structure, which any novelist will tell you is a game-changer in terms of the amount of energy required to pour into the manuscript each day.)
The gratitude came from the ease in which I've found money begin to flow toward me since making the decision it was time for it. That doesn't mean I'm making a lot of it, by the way. Not at all. (I don't even care to. So long as I have enough to pay the rent, feed myself, have space to write, and spend time with those I love, that's all I care for.) But what I do mean is that the number of doors that have been opened to me in terms of various income streams has been more than I even expected. Some doors I knocked on. Other doors appeared around bends I didn't expect and opened on their own. And for all those doors, I'm grateful.
Since healing from my quarter life crisis, I've come to believe you can make for yourself the life you want, so long as you're willing to put in the work. And I suppose that's where a lot of the happiness I'm feeling right now comes from—seeing this worldview of mine backed up, proven. It brings a sense of comfort, and a nod like, "Yes, kid, you're on the right path. Keep going."
We really need these nods. Because what I was journalling about right before I stopped and came over here is that it's so easy to feel like you're at a standstill sometimes, especially if you're a creative/entrepreneur. It's easy to feel like: Shoot, I'm putting in all this effort and where has it gotten me? No where. And then it's very easy from there to feel like maybe it's time to pull the reigns and stop. It's easy to feel like certain paths are meant for some people, but not yourself.
But that's all self-doubt and nothing more.
And self-doubt is just part of the journey. The only thing to do with it is to keep on. It's just like with writing. When you have no idea what to write, just write anything. You can always go back and edit later, but what's important is to carry on in the moment. What's important is to not give up.
xx,
Mackenzie
