While it's important to honour our feelings, it's equally important to notice when we are stewing in them, and letting them take over and direct the course of our days/weeks/years.
To understand how to honour without stewing, it's helpful to understand how our emotions actually work.
Here's how neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor explains it:
"๐๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฎ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆโ๐ด ๐ข ๐ต๐ฉ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ต ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ค๐ช๐ณ๐ค๐ถ๐ช๐ต ๐ฐ๐งย ๐ง๐ฆ๐ข๐ณย ๐จ๐ฆ๐ต๐ด ๐ต๐ณ๐ช๐จ๐จ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฅ, ๐ช๐ต ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ถ๐ญ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ง๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต-๐ฐ๐ณ-๐ง๐ญ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ค๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ. ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ต๐ณ๐ช๐จ๐จ๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ข ๐ฑ๐ฉ๐บ๐ด๐ช๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฐ๐จ๐ช๐ค๐ข๐ญ ๐ฅ๐ถ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ข๐จ๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฑ๐ฉ๐ณ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ณย ๐ข๐ฏ๐จ๐ฆ๐ณย ๐ช๐ฏ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ด๐ต๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฎ. ๐๐ฉ ๐ฌ๐๐ก๐ก ๐๐ก๐ช๐จ๐ ๐ฉ๐๐ง๐ค๐ช๐๐ ๐ฎ๐ค๐ช ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ก๐ช๐จ๐ ๐ค๐ช๐ฉ ๐ค๐ ๐ฎ๐ค๐ช ๐๐ฃ ๐ก๐๐จ๐จ ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฃ ๐ต๐ฌ ๐จ๐๐๐ค๐ฃ๐๐จ. ๐๐ฐ ๐ง๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฎ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฌ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ต๐ณ๐ช๐จ๐จ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฆ ๐ค๐ข๐ด๐ค๐ข๐ฅ๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต๐ด ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ค๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ช๐ค๐ข๐ญ ๐ง๐ญ๐ถ๐ด๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ต๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ซ๐ข ๐ด๐ฆ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ด."
Knowing this helps us understand that when we feel stuck in a low-vibrational state for an extended period of time, this is happening because we are going back to thinking those low-vibe thoughts that ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ถ๐ญ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ this loop.
In other words, we are unconsciously choosing over and over again to think those thoughts, which leads to feeling the associated feelings, which ultimately leads to behaving as if we're still in the past.
We cannot create a future that is different from our past if we continue to do this. We may as well take our past and paste it into our futureโbecause that's where we're headed.
๐๐ค๐ฉ๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐๐๐ฃ๐๐๐จ ๐๐ ๐ฌ๐ ๐๐ค๐ฃ'๐ฉ ๐๐๐๐ฃ๐๐.
The good news is that changing isn't that complicated or mystical. You can stop suffering and start creating change rather simply.
How to Create Change
Change is created by getting present, noticing your thoughts/feelings/bodily responses to the world, then ๐ค๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ด๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ง๐ง๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต๐ญ๐บ.
From there, it's about committing to doing this repeatedly until it becomes second nature. In my experience, this tends to take 2-4 weeks. Of course, we're all different, but this is a general trend I've noticed.
That's it, significant change can take place in a mere few weeks.
This is Not 'Faking it 'til you Make It'
I've had a good handful of coaching clients ask me if this work means bypassing how we're truly feeling / "faking it til we make it" / lying to ourselves.
It doesn't. What we owe ourselves is feeling our feelings for those 90 seconds in which they move through us. And then we owe it to ourselves to connect in to the energy we wish to embody, the thoughts we wish to think, the self we wish to beโโthe TRUE self, the one that we already are underneath all of the fear.
The quote, "Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional" comes to mind.
Of course, if you wish to dig in and journal about how you are feeling, that's fine. That is not the same thing as simmering in a soup of negative emotions. This is clear in that the two experiences, journaling and simmering, feel incredibly different. Again, one feels like steeping in suffering, while the other feels like emotional release.
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